we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
