Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When are your genitals available?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
