We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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