Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
