as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
