I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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