lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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