Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he thought i was a dude.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
