Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize