I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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