i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she peed on how many people?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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