Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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