Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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