just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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