they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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