stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When did angry sex become our thing?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
