dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
