you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
