that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
