He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
