Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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