All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
