ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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