i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
