how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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