I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
