Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
