I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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