I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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