Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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