I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
