you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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