hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
