the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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