You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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