Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
