i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
