At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
