Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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