And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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