I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
