I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
