Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
