I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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