I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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