It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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