He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
