2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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