I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
