Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
