We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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