Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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