idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
