I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
