i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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