i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
