I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
