Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
