Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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