Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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