If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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