How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His nipple licking is glorious
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