what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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