(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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