She is in my trunk
Sober January is a disaster.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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