I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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