he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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