The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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