Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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