My hand turned me down
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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