Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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