My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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