he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
