I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
