I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
