So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize