Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
