I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
nutella sex= disaster
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
