It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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