Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
